Eight years ago, I felt unhappy. I found it hard to make up my mind – should I stay focused on China, or should I return to Germany for good? It didn’t even look like a either-or decision. I only knew at hindsight that it was a – probably – final decision.
I sleepwalked into a loving relationship in 2006. It was just another try, during the first hours of us getting to know each other, in 2006. Gradually, it became evident that it was probably for life. It’s that kind of experience which is probably neither universal, nor exceptional. It happens frequently, to many people, but not to everyone. It isn’t unique, but I’m beginning to understand that it is a privilege all the same. For the first time in my life, I’m feeling long-standing gratitude.
This has kept me here in Germany. There’s family, there are old friends, but all that might not have kept me here. Now, there is this sense of belonging. It has grown for a while, and now it’s here.
I’m wondering – what does China mean to me, in this “new situation”? Does it still make sense to “blog about China”?
I’m probably not going to make a conscious decision about that either. It’s not such a big thing, to blog or not to blog, even though more than 1,900 posts and countless hours of reading and translating stuff about current affairs spell some kind of commitment which one wouldn’t easily throw away.
What might happen is that I’ll slow down. In recent years, I blogged more frequently than every second day. My goal now will probably be to stay up-to-date, not to lose track about current affairs surrounding China. As far as I feel that it makes sense, I’ll continue to read and to blog.
Thinking about it, I have probably moved past a somewhat belated midlife crisis. I’m beginning to learn where I belong. That means that some things are probably going to change, and I’m curious about the changes.