From JR’s Intelligence Unit: Xi Jinping’s embarrassing Ailment revealed

Roger Cavazos of Sino-NK came pretty close to the truth, regarding the reason for Xi Jinping’s absence, but it was still speculation. One of his scenarios: a minor medical issue.

This is a best-case scenario.  Everything remains basically the same; Xi just doesn’t want to come out while he’s still looking Quasimodo-ish.

Well, Roger, that’s not too far off the mark, but it’s still speculation, and you even added three more scenarios, which are all wrong.

Xi Jinping: more than he could chew.

Xi Jinping: more than he could chew.

The JR Intelligence Unit (JIU), the world’s reference point which only reports once there is something to report, has learned from usually well-informed sources that Xi spent his Sunday afternoon (September 2) at his desk as usual, doing extra hours to serve the people, with a bag of pretzels next to him. He then fainted, and his face hit the desk.

Now, China is a highly face-aware country. To be “transparent” about the brusies isn’t advisable. What adds to the humiliation is that he brand he had on his table was Snyder’s of Hanover, i. e. America‘s pretzel. Don’t open that can of worms to the public.

“As usual, his wife had instructed the attendant on duty that afternoon to serve her husband mantou and dim sun”, one of the sources said.

And as usual, Xi Jinping (there are a few foreigners, with full bellies, who have nothing better to do than try to point fingers at our country”) had stuffed the mantous and dim sum into his desk’s top-left drawer and retrieved another bag of pretzels from one drawer further down.

“He’s kind of messy”, the usually well-informed source confided.

You don’t buy that? Next time you see Xi (on Huang Rong‘s funeral, for example), offer him an American pretzel and watch his obvious discomfort.



» Previous JIU revelations

3 Comments to “From JR’s Intelligence Unit: Xi Jinping’s embarrassing Ailment revealed”

  1. High face-aware society….nice one.

    I’m betting the farm on Xi having an old fashioned facial nip and tuck and being back in the public eye when the bruising subsides.

    At least he avoids Hu’s big spectacles look, so the great Sino public has something to be thankful for.


  2. JR – thanks for picking up the post. Is there a consolation prize for being 1/4 correct?

    Pretzels? Isn’t that what got Bush one time? I’m suddenly thinking we should send 200,000 tons of pretzels to the naughty Korea. You don’t work for the Peoples Snack and xiaochi committee, by the way, do you?

    Seriously – thanks for keeping us informed. I know when I’m here I’ll likely laugh, cry or choke on my own saliva and I can count on always learning something.


  3. KT, both Xi and his wife are so handsome that I can’t imagine why they should have a facelift.

    Roger, I could try to get you included in the Confucius Peace Prize nominee list, but given your rumors about Comrade Jinping, I’m afraid that you might be an ungrateful candidate.


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