Hermit: Google is a Political Scam

Disclaimer: the following is not exactly what the article behind the link underneath is saying. It constitutes Hermit’s personal opinion, rather than Xinhua‘s.

Google is an Agent of Cultural Imperialism

Hermit the Taoist Dragonfly: Google is an Agent of Cultural Imperialism

Hello Children,

Google is a scam. It wasn’t invented by two PhD students – those students were just dummies chosen and used by the CIA, to gather all the global information.

As the American government is fearing the coming of the Great China, they plot in every way to destroy us. That’s why they leerily invented Google. Google never intended to do business in China. How do we know? Because they are too arrogant to be business people. They were always less cooperative than foreign business people normally are, and this year, without any evidence, they claimed to have suffered a hacking attack from the Chinese government, and later, they released an ultimatum, rudely and in a threatening way (蛮横姿态威胁) demanding that China should allow them to provide their search results without censorship of their own do away with the legal administration, otherwise they would withdraw from the Chinese web searching market. It was the worst threat since the Opium Wars. We have narrowly survived this evil plot, thanks to the vigilance of our leadership.

All of a sudden, after four years in the Chinese market, Google no longer respects the normal ways of doing business (在商言商的普世之道)!

I mean, it works with every international company, except Google. So our experience can tell us that Google is no company. It’s an imperialist agent. Besides, history tells us that no company can afford to withdraw from China!

Besides, there are reports saying that U.S. secretary of state Hilary Clinton invited Google CEOs and other web-savvy bigwigs for a small dinner on January 7! They discussed how tools like Twitter and Google and Youtube could support American intervention in other countries, and encourage popular movements there.

Sorry, children, but we simply can’t afford to allow such dangerous media in China. After all, you people are far too gullible. You have eaten all our lies and manipulations without contradiction for decades – so how could we trust that you won’t eat their*) lies and manipulations just as easily? It will take decades before we can trust you a bit more, and only if you observe the eight honors very carefully. For starters, simply buy this silly explanation from me. Anyway, we will develop and improve internet administration in accordance with your real needs.

Down with cultural imperialism! Yell after me three times.

Now that’s what I call good kids. See you next time, and stay patriotic. Got to tweet fly now.


*) “their” includes all foreign cultural imperialists and their lackeys here at home


Tremendous Improvements, January 22, 2010
Natural disasters and Cola Disasters, China Daily, May 30, 2008

5 Responses to “Hermit: Google is a Political Scam”

  1. This means Chinese government is really scared and started the smearing campaign. They even pay the big bugs to have a non-Chinese doing it for them. That’s one scary cat.


  2. As I wrote in the disclaimer at the beginning – I’ve used my own imagination when writing the entry, in addition to what Xinhua really wrote. But reality usually catches up with you even when you try to parody the official Chinese media – see Google in the mirror of colonial history. Incredible on the one hand, but predictable on the other.
    But who are the big bugs and the non-Chinese?

    I’ll be back to the internet and this blog on Thursday.


  3. justrecently,

    Could you explain to me why Google had no problem turning over personal information to the US government when requested under the Patriots Act while having problems complying with Chinese laws?


  4. Juchechosunmanse, maybe Hermit’s theory doesn’t convince you, so here’s another one. Mind you, it’s only a theory. Here goes…

    Google is no invention by the U.S. government after all, but a company in fact. They started their business with a search machine, and of course, a search machine is there to find what people are searching for. That’s the purpose.
    Google believed that censorhip in China would ease over the years. That was how they justified their entry into the Chinese market anyway. However, Google doesn’t see much reason to believe that the Chinese government has any plans for any time to lift or ease censorship.

    As for the Patriot Act, Google may actually have problems with that, too. One is an image problem. By far not every American supports the Patriot Act. Many people just won’t create a Google profile or use Google Mail because of the way Google handles – or may handle – personal information. Both the way they handle privacy issues businesswise, and in their interaction with the U.S. government, leaves too many questions open for people like me – and I’m sure I’m not alone with such concerns.
    On the other hand, flatly refusing cooperation with the American authorities would probably have finished Google’s business there, too – and different from China, most American users probably wouldn’t have understood a Google refusal. Many Americans probably overestimate the threat posed by whatever kind of terrorism. This would be bad for business, too, even if Google managed to negotiate a transparent system of data use. For historical reasons, I for one have more reason to distrust a government – even one with an independent judiciary -, than Americans may have.
    And also in comparison with China’s censorship policies, the American government is reviewed once in a while, and it’s negotiable.

    So this is theory #2. If you don’t agree with either of these, I suggest that you add one of your own.



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