Hermit: Mid-Autum Festival must remind us of the Need for a Harmonious Planetary Configuration

Hello Children,

Hermit hte Taoist Dragonfly: Mid-Autum Festival must remind us of the Need for a Harmonious Planetary Configuration

Hermit hte Taoist Dragonfly: Mid-Autum Festival must remind us of the Need for a Harmonious Planetary Configuration

it is very important to remember our culture, so in case you have forgotten this over our festive celebrations of our Celestial Kingdom sixty years ago, on Saturday, there was also the Mid-Autumn Festival (中秋節), the true meaning of which is closely connected with our current festive celebrations.

In our country, nothing happens co-incidentally, as you know. There is a ten-thousand-year-old culture in our country, and consequently, there is a ten-thousand-year-old legend to the Mid-Autumn Festival, too.

Once upon a time, the earth had ten suns. Of course, ten suns are very unnatural. They destroyed the crops and did something to people which made them unable to have children. But a heroic archer shot down the nine fake suns, and only left the real sun in the skies, and thus restored the harmony, and saved the earth. (The archer was very heroic indeed, but to be objective and scientific, let’s also remember that he didn’t always take his pills in time.)

The real sun, of course, emblematizes our Peoples’ Republic of China.

Did you know that there are also fake China’s?

Indeed there are! One calls itself the Republic of China, a country with a silly flag. It even claims to have a so-called “president”.

Even worse, there is another sun which doesn’t even claim to be a fake China, even though it is in fact a fake China! It wants to be a Republic of Taiwan. Of course, both these fake suns are in fact the same renegade province which we hold very dear in our hearts, and we will do them no harm, if they correct their incorrect and unnatural ways by themselves.

The most shanzhai China however is a certain Federal Republic of China. A splittist element, a certain Yan Jiaqi (嚴家其), is advocating this hostile concept. This, dear children, is like if you bomb the sun and leave it in the skies as a fragmented ball of broken fiery pieces, which start floating away from each other like Chang’e (嫦娥) floated away, but without stopping at the moon. Imagine the sun floating around the earth in many broken pieces, so that our mandarins ganbus have to live in broad daylight 24 hours a day! No dark for dark business any more! Where would that leave our ten-thousand-year-old culture and tradition? Things would become very unharmonious!

So we are celebrating the successful eclipse of most of the fake suns, which happened sixty years ago. But the Mid-Autumn Festival this year also reminds us that the business is still unfinished, and that even the eclipses already achieved won’t last without our unyielding patriotic efforts!

Let’s strive for a harmonious planetary configuration at an earlier date! Shikezhunbeizhe!

Got to float fly now, children. Stay harmonious and patriotic, and never forget our then-thousand-year-old culture.

3 Comments to “Hermit: Mid-Autum Festival must remind us of the Need for a Harmonious Planetary Configuration”

  1. Been a while since the “cadre as mandarins” formula has crossed my mind — perhaps you are the first to mention it? There of course have been plenty of scholars and commentators who have likened CCP’s top leaders to Emperors (makes sense) but much less often do we see the whole upper tier of CCP officials seen as the decedents of, say, the Qing bureaucracy and all the insulation, privilege, and corruption that entails. All that’s missing is the opium, but I suppose that’s what the internet is for.

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  2. I forgot to add that the “federalism in China” link of yours is pretty fascinating. Although the proposed “FRC” flag resembles the Manchukuo flag way too much to be implemented, it was fun to read about various proposals both historical and current. Very different, so thus very explosive in Chinese political milieu. “We’ll stick with ‘One Country, Two Systems,’ thank you very much.”

    And thanks to your previous suggestion, I had already read the My Laowai essay you linked to here; I enjoyed the beginning but couldn’t take him seriously when he left out the ROC. I mean, does Min’guo have no role in preparing the way for CCP despotism? Even the CCP itself is starting to admit aspects of continuity between the big and bad KMT years and its own particularly Chinese style.

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  3. To me, many local ganbus look like contemporary embodiments of either the old mandarins, or landlords – it depends on the situation. After all, the state owns all properties, and only leases them out to capitalists, umm, private businesses. Which means that local ganbus decide if properties are used by peasants, or others, and at which compensation – if any – landuse rights are taken away from the tenants.
    I’m not sure if JK Fairbank was referring to this when summing up China’s development as “Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose”, but I guess that comparisons with the past come to mind quite easily, and frequently. Obviously, they may also be oversimplified, once in a while. But then, then-thousand years of culture don’t pass the harddisk without some impact.
    As for Mylaowai, the declared purpose of his blog is to stirr shit – and he’s a king in that business. Obviously, celebrating KMT rule as rightful and the CCP’s as illegal is a historical misrepresentation.
    But the effect is impressive – just look at his commenter threads. The most efficient way to insult counterfeiters is to steal their tools.

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