Archive for April 5th, 2009

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Graduates Spread Scientific Knowledge in the Countryside

China Radio International tells us that now there is a new choice for college graduates: going to the countryside. As the graduates are very skilled people, they do not only give the villagers good and accurate technical advice in the professional field – they even help to mediate conflicts among villagers to create a harmonious atmosphere!

OK. But it isn’t all perfectly harmonious. The JR Intelligence Unit (JIU) tapped into a telephone line which is usually only used by Net Nanny, and spied on the following phone conversation between young Xiao Gongzhu (小公主), who went to the countryside as a junior ganbu *) and complained bitterly to her Daddy (大的). Here goes.

Four Modernizations: Our Countryside is already very Modern.

Four Modernizations: Our Countryside is already very Modern.

Xiao Gongzhu: When I held the spade by its blade, those stinking villagers who know nothing laughed at me!

Dad: Oh, Xiao Gongzhu ! That’s no tragedy! You can learn from them, too! It’s no one-way street. Chairman Mao said that cadres are only good cadres when they are ready to learn from…

Xiao Gongzhu: And when I broke off one of my high heels in a molehill, they laughed at me, too!

Dad: I know how you love your high heels, my princess. But let me tell you from my experience when Chairman Mao sent us to the countryside long ago – high heels are very unpractical there! That’s something for you to learn, too!

Xiao Gongzhu: And they call me tuifei **)! And they never brush their teeth! I want to be back in Shanghai and work for an investment bank! Or for a company with investment from Hong Kong or Taiwan compatriots! [*sob*]

Dad: Now, now, my little princess! You have to endure! Endurance is the first and finest characteristics of our great nation!

Xiao Gongzhu: I hate it! It is one thing to have to work with dirty bazi ***), but…

Dad: Shush, shush, my little princess

Xiao Gongzhu: and don’t call me little princess again before you admit that this work is far below my status!

Dad: But can’t you see that the socialist motherland needs you in the countryside? OK, the peasants are uneducated… But once they develop and broaden their mind under your wise and scientific leadership, you will build a beautiful socialist countryside together! And later, you can build a great ganbu career on their backs. They are much easier to handle than urban folks like you. I can tell! [*snickers*]

Xiao Gongzhu: I already hate this job!

Dad: Besides, the provincial government pays for your social insurance! We are very lucky! Not every student’s work in the countryside is so carefully planned and financially well-founded as yours! If you weren’t there, your Daddy would have to collect more bribes! And that has become a bit dangerous recently! You don’t want your Daddy to be shot dead in a sports stadium, do you?

Xiao Gongzhu: If you loved me, you’d take the risk!

Dad [with a much less tender voice than before]: Listen, stupid brat! If you don’t stop complaining immediately and go to your work and rebuild the socialist countryside in seven days, I’ll pass you on to your Mom, OK?

Xiao Gongzhu [whispers]: Oh, please don’t, my dearest Daddy! I will be very studious and selfless and diligent and make this countryside a beautiful garden, and I will listen to the ba… the peasants very carefully. Science is no one-way street. Long live chairman Mao…

Dad: This is smart. This is how I love my little princess. I’ll send you some red gumboots by speedpost. Take care, my little princess!

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*) ganbu = cadre

**) tuifei = decadent

***) bazi = derogatory for farmer, peasant

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