Hermit: The Stupid Little Mermaid

Hello Children,

it’s me, Hermit the Taoist Dragonfly, once again. Today I’m going to tell you a fairytale. Here goes…

Once upon a time, say, in the year of 2050, Nannymaid was on a routine patrol tour through the Channel, and somewhere West of Guernsey and Southwest of Land’s End, OK, in the middle of the Atlantic really, she met an attractive, beautiful little Mermaid with a Cool-Britannia T-shirt on that left her neat round hips naked, and with a button in each of her ears. Around her neck hung something like an i-pod, or whatever you’d call that in 2050. Anyway, Nannymaid made a heroic effort and chased the cute little Mermaid into the direction of the Channel, until the little Mermaid was somewhat out of breath, stopped and asked whassup.

You are navigating in Chinese Waters

You are navigating in Chinese Waters

“You are navigating in Chinese waters”, Nannymaid reprimanded her.

Chinese waters?” The cute Mermaid giggled because she was stupid and didn’t know that any waters are Chinese once Chinese Nannymaids say so and produce ancient Chinese sea maps to prove it, even if the maps are drawn with a ballpen. “Chinese waters? This is the Atlantic, and the national waters closest to here are either Moroccan, Portuguese, Spanish, British, or French!”

Stop giggling,” hissed Nannymaid. “Britain has been a tributary state of our Glorious Empire ever since 1793!”

The ignorant cute Mermaid giggled even harder, and Nannymaid became furious. “This is a very serious situation! What’s hanging around your neck there?!”

Sonar what?

“Oh, that’s an i-pod with some cool music”, replied the little Mermaid. “Want to have a listen?”

“Stay away from me! That isn’t music, that’s sonar equipment. You are spying on our Imperial submarines here!”

OK, children, here I should add for your better understanding that in 2035, in an almost bloodless and very humane coup, a Confucian gang brotherhood had restored the Chinese Empire and enthroned Liu Dehua (刘德华) as the first emperor of the Yellow-Face-Dynasty (黄色脸朝).

Anyway, “sonar what?!”, the cute but stupid Mermaid enquired. She had never done well at theoretical physics in school and didn’t even know how a so-called i-pod works.

Don’t act the fool!“, bellowed Nannymaid. “Follow me to the examination rock!”

There on the rock somewhere within the Eastern Atlantic, without asking further questions, Nannymaid hacked the cute little Mermaid into many ugly, unattractive pieces and sent them back to the Empire in a tupperware box, with the next merchant ship, and in Guangzhou, they used the hamburger mermeat (the remaining bits of the t-shirt and i-pod included) to make baby food of it, because the baby food was still pretty much the same as half a century earlier. Of course, only the mothers who belonged to the Chinese superclass could afford such great quality, while all the other babies had sawdust instead. The maintenance of the Empire came at a price, but the common Chinese people happily paid it. Because like Confucius said, Imperial glory is better than a good individual life, and it doesn’t matter if you are bullied, as long as you are bullied by compatriots, not by foreigners.

And with these words of patrotic encouragement, let’s call it a day, children. Got to weigh anchor fly now.


Related: U.S. vessel’s Standoff with Chinese Sub ‘Dangerous’, Analyst says, IHT, Mar 12

Related: The Hainan EP-3 Incident and what really happened, JR, Aug 8, 2008

12 Responses to “Hermit: The Stupid Little Mermaid”

  1. One of your better posts, Hermit.


  2. One of my better posts? What do you mean?! It’s adorable!! When can I collect my Pulitzer Prize?


  3. Dragonflies don’t quality, sorry mate.


  4. Well, Mylaowai, I think you’ve really crossed a line here… Hermit is on his way to the Municipal attorney in Shanghai and will sue you for discrimination. He believes that you are plotting to have those folks deny him his well-deserved prize, and that your referral to his Dragonfly status is only a pretense. He’s suing you for anti-Chineseness and for anti-Taoism. He has also requested a review of this serious case at the UN Racism Conference.
    Good luck, mate.


  5. Broadway, I’m cumming!



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