Archive for March 12th, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hermit: The Stupid Little Mermaid

Hello Children,

it’s me, Hermit the Taoist Dragonfly, once again. Today I’m going to tell you a fairytale. Here goes…

Once upon a time, say, in the year of 2050, Nannymaid was on a routine patrol tour through the Channel, and somewhere West of Guernsey and Southwest of Land’s End, OK, in the middle of the Atlantic really, she met an attractive, beautiful little Mermaid with a Cool-Britannia T-shirt on that left her neat round hips naked, and with a button in each of her ears. Around her neck hung something like an i-pod, or whatever you’d call that in 2050. Anyway, Nannymaid made a heroic effort and chased the cute little Mermaid into the direction of the Channel, until the little Mermaid was somewhat out of breath, stopped and asked whassup.

You are navigating in Chinese Waters

You are navigating in Chinese Waters

“You are navigating in Chinese waters”, Nannymaid reprimanded her.

Chinese waters?” The cute Mermaid giggled because she was stupid and didn’t know that any waters are Chinese once Chinese Nannymaids say so and produce ancient Chinese sea maps to prove it, even if the maps are drawn with a ballpen. “Chinese waters? This is the Atlantic, and the national waters closest to here are either Moroccan, Portuguese, Spanish, British, or French!”

Stop giggling,” hissed Nannymaid. “Britain has been a tributary state of our Glorious Empire ever since 1793!”

The ignorant cute Mermaid giggled even harder, and Nannymaid became furious. “This is a very serious situation! What’s hanging around your neck there?!”


Sonar what?

“Oh, that’s an i-pod with some cool music”, replied the little Mermaid. “Want to have a listen?”

“Stay away from me! That isn’t music, that’s sonar equipment. You are spying on our Imperial submarines here!”

OK, children, here I should add for your better understanding that in 2035, in an almost bloodless and very humane coup, a Confucian gang brotherhood had restored the Chinese Empire and enthroned Liu Dehua (刘德华) as the first emperor of the Yellow-Face-Dynasty (黄色脸朝).

Anyway, “sonar what?!”, the cute but stupid Mermaid enquired. She had never done well at theoretical physics in school and didn’t even know how a so-called i-pod works.

Don’t act the fool!“, bellowed Nannymaid. “Follow me to the examination rock!”

There on the rock somewhere within the Eastern Atlantic, without asking further questions, Nannymaid hacked the cute little Mermaid into many ugly, unattractive pieces and sent them back to the Empire in a tupperware box, with the next merchant ship, and in Guangzhou, they used the hamburger mermeat (the remaining bits of the t-shirt and i-pod included) to make baby food of it, because the baby food was still pretty much the same as half a century earlier. Of course, only the mothers who belonged to the Chinese superclass could afford such great quality, while all the other babies had sawdust instead. The maintenance of the Empire came at a price, but the common Chinese people happily paid it. Because like Confucius said, Imperial glory is better than a good individual life, and it doesn’t matter if you are bullied, as long as you are bullied by compatriots, not by foreigners.

And with these words of patrotic encouragement, let’s call it a day, children. Got to weigh anchor fly now.

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Related: U.S. vessel’s Standoff with Chinese Sub ‘Dangerous’, Analyst says, IHT, Mar 12

Related: The Hainan EP-3 Incident and what really happened, JR, Aug 8, 2008

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Germany’s Latest Superstar…

… is Tim K. from Winnenden *). And now, “a town is seeking for explanations”. Well, not just one town. It seems to be all of Germany, nay, of Europe.  The SPIEGEL calls it a gun-frenzy. Maybe the previous Amok in Alabama inspired Tim K? His parents had a lot of weapons in their house. Or maybe it all happened because his girlfriend had left him? And his table tennis coach tells German television that this superstar was a bit aloof, but no superstar.

Germany is shocked. OK, we are easily shocked these days. Maybe that’s part of the explanation. A debate about school safety has already started. And demands for measures against future shooting sprees have been timely voiced.

Sorry, I’m Germany, too. And sorry, I’m not shocked, and I’m sure that many people here aren’t shocked, either. I don’t even think that the disaster is really that incomprehensible. If it was incomprehensible, media and politicians wouldn’t be so hasty with demanding measures. You cry for measures at once (even when a sorry event only repeats itself sporadically so far) when you refuse to actually look at a case before making decisions. You demand measures, because you know that you won’t like what you will see, if really looking into it with a bit of patience.

Looking a bit more closely before crying aloud might tell us more about the state of our society than we want to know. It might still give us a somewhat distorted picture (because fortunately, shooting sprees are still fatal exceptions), but it would give us a picture anyway.

But as patience isn’t my greatest strength either, here is my picture:

You either slog away on television and become a superstar after getting past Dieter Bohlen, or if you value life (that of others and your own) even less, you kill a number of people on a spectacular shooting spree before getting killed yourself.

The only bad thing: you usually won’t see yourself and your Beretta (or whatever gun you like most) on television after the shootout. But then, the experience of terrifying and killing others is probably even more… umm… intense?

*) As usual, only the name of the perpetrator seems to matter. Der SPIEGEL is still trying to get legal permission to print his full name, while the press abroad is already dong so.

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Related: Why are Mass Media Losing Relevance?

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