Hello Children,
the 17th CCP Central Committee’s Third Plenary Session has written a frank list of wishes to Papa Christmas this week. Papa Christmas is kindly asked to basically eliminate absolute poverty in rural areas by 2020, according to a communique issued on the plenum’s conclusion.
Now, I can already hear some of you snotty fellas say: “Why, the CCP doesn’t believe in Papa Christmas!”
Of course not, children. That’s why some good local cadres and some of their good patrons in Beijing can’t agree to give the farmers substantial political rights. If Papa Christmas existed, he could take good care of the cadres and make them rich, while the farmers could take care of their own business and get a bit richer, too.
This is exactly the problem, children. There is no Papa Christmas. Nowhere.
Now, you may ask: why then don’t the farmers make a revolution, as they did so often before? Shhht!! This is a very dangerous question! Besides, the countryside doesn’t make revolutions. OK, Mao Zedong said that the people, and only the people, are the creators of history. But an old book*) tells me that only the Han Dynasty came to power after an uprising from the people, that at the time of the Five Dynasties, five men from the people ruled, and just one more dynasty after that was founded by the son of a farmhand. So, in all those thousands of years of our country’s venerable history, there were really only three people-based revolutions, if I can believe that book.
Isn’t it time for the CCP to refurbish its history books? I mean, in this case, won’t the facts actually serve the Party better than the, umm, edited records?
I’ll call a scientific patriotic conference on Monday to get the corrections started. Got to fly now, children. Stay patriotic and continue to believe in Papa Christmas. Especially if you live in the socialist countryside.
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*) Klaus A. Dietsch, Staat und Gesellschaft, in: Das Alte China, ed. Roger Goepper, Munich 1988, p. 1155
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