Scientific: How We are Going to Win the Olympics

Hello Children,

Success

Success

don’t be scared. It’s just me, Hermit, the muscular Taoist Dragonfly with your daily dose of science. Now, children, you remember me from yesterday, right? Yesterday I was skinny. But that was yesterday. Since then have I not only invented LETHAL SUXXESS [TM], but I have also tried it on myself! And the best thing is, no doping test would ever find it! (I mean, if any independent organization carried out the tests during the Olympics anyway.) Think of LETHAL SUXXESS as another one of our patriotic secret weapons.

Now, children. Maybe you will be athletes too? Then you will hear a lot of bullshit, especially from foreigners. You may hear them say that doping is both unhealthy for yourself and also unfair against those who don’t dope.

Don’t listen to those sabotaging whiners. Sure. It is a bit dangerous. But every service for your great motherland can be dangerous. And at the same time, every service for our motherland is very important, because our enemies are very cruel! Never forget how cruel our enemies are, and your victories will make our great motherland even greater!

(And LETHAL SUXXESS [TM] too.)

Got to fly now. Stay patriotic, children.

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