Archive for ‘Good Ganbu’

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Good Ganbu’s Lessons from Kim Jong-un: Giggle Often

Good Ganbu: Giggle Often

Good Ganbu: Giggle Often

Comrades:

Comrade Kim Jong-un and his elders heeded your advice. Now it is our turn to learn from them. Granted, we can’t assess yet if only the BBC‘s correspondent in Seoul (she’s still a teenager, I think) got so carried away was so impressed, or if this is an impact on the foreign media at large.

As we can see, it just may be very easy to impress journalists from foreign lands. This is my confidential advice for Comrade Xi Jinping., from next year on.

Make “a real departure” from Comrade Hu Jintao‘s style:

  • give live, public speeches on Tian An Men Square
  • say some familiar and some new things
  • laugh and joke in-between taking your first salutes as chairman
  • as you can’t talk about belts not to be tightened any longer, as our motherland is already very prosperous, harp on financial / banking reform instead
  • bolster your stand with the people  – OK, maybe notsomeone else tried that just recently)
  • Hug the soldiers and workers, test their beds and food
  • literally giggle behind your hand to some of your comrades on the stage
  • show a new flavor, a new warmth

Haole, maybe this BBC report wasn’t indicative for foreign media, but there are lessons for us to learn. Trust me, your old Comrade with all the Yan’an experience. Remember Chairman Mao’s wonderful jokes. Remember Comrade Zhou Enlai‘s convivial people-to-people diplomacy, and how he and his wife made Shirley MacLaine cry. And mention Mikhail Gorbachev once in a while, but only behind closed doors with foreign leaders.

But don’t be too nice at home. Understand that there is an international public, and a domestic public. Each side wants to be fooled served in its own ways.

And don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t work at once. Chairman Mao even impressed Kissinger, didn’t he?

Hao Ganbu

____________

Related

» A Return to Kim Il Sung’s Style, Times of India, April 15, 2012
» More Mirrors at the Barber’s, Voice of Korea, March 4, 2012

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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Good Ganbu: a Strong Chain for your own Safety

Good Ganbu: iron hands are the way forward

Good Ganbu: iron hands lead you forward

Comrades:

Comrade Zhao Qiang (赵强) is a vigilant comrade who unvaveringly seeks the truth in the facts.

In the eyes of the West, the disintegration of the Soviet Union was a victory. But for Russians whose welfare was directly concerned, this was an unprecedented disaster. The reasons for disintegration and change in the Soviet Union are numerous, but among these “news reform” and the loss of control over public opinion played a very important role.

Such were, as correctly described by Comrade Qiang, the terrible events that unfolded in the Soviet Union. I believe that the loss of control of public opinion and that Russians aren’t Chinese were the most important calamities for the Soviet peoples: the Russians, the Estonians, the Latvians, and the Lithuanians, to name only some. If we opened the gates, a torrent of anti-CCP and anti-socialist content would flood our media – they could even refer to Chairman Mao as a gangster!

The worst mistake of our northern comrades who went astray was to stop interfering with Western government mouthpieces. For the people of the Soviet Union, standing at the crossroads of reform, the lure and incitation can be clearly guessed. As one of our not-so-easily-to-be-fooled subjects observed correctly, China, too, is the target of some radio stations broadcasting 24/7/365 trying to get our sons and daughters to take up their beliefs and rise up and topple us.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

So, let me address those comrades among you directly, those who are apparently just as gullible as most of our more common subjects:

You must understand that it serves neither our enemies, nor us, if we, China’s rightful  leaders, lose control. Without an adversary, the United States would be unable to stay united, as Colonel Dai Xu (戴旭) correctly observed. This is easy to understand – after all, without an adversary, we can’t unite our people either, right? Besides, our people are very innocent. If they are exposed to uncontrolled foreign information, they will fall for it just as they’d fall for opium. You must see the lilywhite innocence of our people which needs protection. We need powerful iron hands which can make our enemies respect us, and we need powerful iron hands to make our own subjects respect us.

How can’t you understand that? You should learn from our UN Undersecretary Sha Zukang (沙祖康), who, despite all the temptations of a big decadent western city, never went astray, and truly understands that a harmonious society stands and falls with the iron hands that guide it! He didn’t even want to go to New York, it was the last thing he wanted to do!

But how useful he has been! This is from an American paper, the Foreign Policy:

As Ban Ki-moon finalized his preparations for his visit this week to Beijing, one of his top advisors, Sha Zukang, traveled to China to present an award to a retired Chinese general who had authority over troops that fired on unarmed civilians during the 1989 Tiananmen Square crackdown.

Sha, the U.N. Undersecretary General for Economic and Social Affairs, presented the World Harmony Award — a glass plaque cut in the shape of a dove — to former Chinese Defense Minister, Gen. Chi Haotian, in honor of his unspecified contributions to world peace, according to a report in Chinese state media. The World Harmony Foundation, a private charity headed by a Chinese businessman named Frank Liu, established the award.

That’s the way forward, Comrades, rather than leaving dubious messages to our already-confused subjects in foreign places!

And if you don’t get it, sooner or later, you will feel the power of our iron hands yourselves! Don’t think you’re out of our reach, only because Red-Flag review cars carry you through our socialist realms. Socialist democracy is a reality.

Hao Ganbu

____________

Related
“A Hard-Earned and Efficient Political System”, Oct. 31, 2010
Red-Flag Review Car, wo buy ni, Oct. 24, 2009

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Good Ganbu: Be no Chess Piece

Good Ganbu: We aren't asking for much

Good Ganbu: We aren't asking for much

Hao Ganbu
Deserving Ganbu Home for Aged Comrades
Beidaihe, Qinhuangdao Municipality
Hebei Province, People’s Republic of China
(Sender)

Đảng Cộng sản Việt Nam
(Communist Party of Vietnam)
To whom it may concern
Ba Đình District
He Nei
Socialist Republic of Vietnam
(recipient)

Dear Comrades,

My spouse, my comrades and I are learning with deep concern that you risk becoming a chess piece in the imperialist games of western hegemonists, especially the American hegemonists.  Embracing a former adversary for broader strategic gains is diplomacy the US is good at.

My spouse, my comrades and I would like to remind you that while there are certainly still disputes over waters and natural resources, from a historical perspective, our two countries have overcome the shadow of past military clashes for mutual benefit. Two weeks ago, we finished a 1,300-kilometer long land boundary demarcation. Six years ago, the two sides inked the treaty over maritime boundary demarcation at Beibei Gulf, setting a reference point for solving issues over disputed waters in the South China Sea.

China has been the largest trading partner of Vietnam for five consecutive years. Learning from us has been good for you. Charting a similar reform road like China, Vietnam is benefiting from economic boom and political stability that is envied by neighboring countries.

For so many centuries, we have been selflessly looking after your well-being. We have always been the better hegemon your good big brother. Don’t be shameless. Don’t forget the centuries of national humiliation you suffered from the hands of the western imperialists. Remember that we all have yellow faces and black eyes, and black hair , too (with the exception of Nguyen Phu Trong, exteemed chairman of your National Assembly.

There is no reason for you to believe that we could be “an elephant” which can easily trample on the interest of Vietnam. China does not include Vietnam into its sphere of influence.

After all, why should we. Just hand the waters east and south of your shores and those resources over to us, and we will build normal nation-to-nation relations with you.

You don’t need yet another lesson, do you?

Be very careful, and together, we will be a happy family in a beautiful garden.

Hao Ganbu

____________

Related
Vietnam: “Under Threat of Invasion?”, April 29, 2009
Some Invasion Threats are easily manageable, Sept 22, 2008

Update/Related
Clinton push took China by surprise, Washington Post, July 31, 2010

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Good Ganbu: One Country, 1.5 Systems

Good Ganbu

Good Ganbu: zero tolerance for hostile dancing troupes

Comrades:

Tung Chee-hwa is a good patriot, but his work when in charge of harmonizing Hong Kong was only forty-seven per cent good, and fifty-three per cent bad. He completely botched our most important Trojan Horse piece of patriotic legislation in Hong Kong. Some people in that city actually still believe that they are living in a political system whichwould be different from China’s only real system!

If Comrade Chee-hwa Mr Tung had been only somewhat more deft, the HK government authorities wouldn’t need to face foreign imperialists’ false allegations now, and there would be no lawsuit by those Falun-Gong snake-ghosts against the HK authorities.

You are too afraid of making yourselves unpopular, Comrades. We old ganbus on the other hand always did what needed to be done, whenever the motherland was threatened by any hostile dancing troupes. So here are my recommendations. They are written in the spirit of our revered Comrade Mao Zedong, and they are just as simple as his good old rules:

No subversive dancing in Hong Kong

No subversive dancing in Hong Kong

1. Make it clear to the world and to the splittist and subversive elements in Hong Kong that there is only one country, and 1.5 systems (0.2 for Hong Kong, and 0.3 for Macau, the latter of which deserves to be rewarded for being nothing but a decent, apolitical gambling joint.

2. Once Taiwan is reunited with the motherland, it will get an (initial) 0.2 per cent system (to be reduced later), Macau will retain its 0.3 per cent system (provided that they will never make any use of it, of course), and Hong Kong will be left with an 0.0 per cent system, which is to say we will take full control of everything there. After all, that’s what a Communist Party is here for!

3. Scrap that Article 23 project. We’ll do as we please, anyway.

Meantime, I and my old comrades suggest that you encourage the performance of dancing troupes that are more suitable in raising the peoples’ patriotism in Hong Kong, and their feelings of friendship with our real friends.

Take a shot of courage, Comrades, and SHIKEZHUNBEIZHE !

The Good Ganbu

____________

Related
Hong Kong and the Falun Gong Drama, WSJ, Febr 1, 2010
“Don’t Startle Beijing”, January 7, 2010
HK: How to Corrupt an Open Society, August 29, 2009
Shen Yun, something creepy, The Guardian, Febr 25, 2008

Monday, January 11, 2010

Net Nanny Relaunched (with more Maikefengs)

Net Nanny was released from jail late last week.  The recording of a telephone conversation, tapped into by the JR Intelligence Unit (JIU) on Thursday, suggests that she had been jailed as a result of a power struggle some two weeks ago. The following is the wording of that extremely sensitive state secret phone conversation which apparently led to her release.

Hermit (yells): Shikezhunbeizhe!

Good Ganbu

Good Ganbu

Good Ganbu: Good morning, Comrade. Did you get the news that Comrade Nanny is in jail?

Hermit: Yes I did. Must be a terrible blow to that conceited ugly crow. But well deserved, anyway.

Good Ganbu: Not so fast, Comrade Hermit…

Hermit: GULP!

Good Ganbu: She didn’t read that Californian porn magazine on a public bus for the whole world to see, right?

Hermit: Hardly so. she never socializes with the masses, that much is true. Maybe she read it in the rear compartment of her Red Flag Review Car. She bought herself one in a silly attempt to look as good as our great chairman, but she isn’t working half as xinku as he does.

Good Ganbu: Actually, she didn’t buy it. Uhm… anyway, only you and I have seen her reading that decadent Californian magazine, right?

Hermit: Uhm… who knows? Someone must have handed it to her, right? What are you up to, revered old comrade? Isn’t my work 65 per cent good, and only 35 per cent bad?

Good Ganbu: Well, yes, but you see, it is still 35 per cent bad. Even excellent scientists like you can make mistakes. Your public and neimu dang’an‘s both inform me that you graduated from Shanzhai Normal University (山寨师范大学), Ledu (乐都), Qinghai province, fifteen years ago. You completed your doctoral thesis there one year later, and became a professor there in 1997.

Hermit the Scholarly Dragonfly

Hermit the Scholarly Dragonfly

Hermit: Of course! It is one of our nation’s most acclaimed universities!

Good Ganbu: Ahem… listen, Comrade: our beloved motherland is developing at an unprecedented speed. The world’s fastest trains take us to many places, and even where their victorious rails end, there are comfortable buses and Red Flag Review Cars which now take us to every corner of our motherland…

Hermit: OK, OK, what do you want, revered old Comrade?

Good Ganbu: Comrade Nanny will be released from jail tomorrow, and I expect no further anonymous letters to reach my office, with evil accusations and rumors, OK? The world is in turm0il, and us Comrades must stand together, and not allow our enemies to…

Hermit: Oh, I would never engage in schemes and …

Good Ganbu: Of course not. By the way, in future public appearances and neimu party seminars, Comrade Nanny will be afforded another maikefeng – you will continue to use only one maikefeng. Bye for now.

More maikefengs for Comrade Nanny restore Harmony and give back face to her.

More maikefengs for Comrade Nanny will restore the Harmony and give back face to her.

Hermit (yells): Shikezhunbeizhe!

[Good ganbu rings off. Hermit starts sobbing uncontrolledly.]

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Good Ganbu’s Friday Nights

Exhilarating Nights in the Opera

Exhilarating Nights in the Opera

Comrades:

I know that you have become somewhat decadent and politically unconscious, and that worries me. Us old Ganbus are old and unflinching revolutionaries who will never forget the bitter past and the crimes of the imperialists, and you should listen to our experience.

On Friday night, my Lao Po and I went to the China Grand Theater (北京中国剧院) and watched an excellent performance by the Korean People’s Army Concert Troupe (朝鲜人民军协奏团) there. We saw and listened to a carefully prepared version of The Image of the Hero (英雄的形象), the anthem of the Chinese People’s Liberation Army (中国人民解放军军歌), and other Chinese and Korean songs and dances which aroused our enthusiastic applause. It showed how our two nations, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder and side by side, wish to build a beautiful future together. Chinese folk song “Reed Flower” (芦花) and the dance “Our Friendship is Everlasting” (我们的友谊万古长青) were also very impressive.

Dancing Me and My Heavy Machine Gun (舞蹈《我的重机枪》)

But of course, the most impressive one was “My Heavy Machine Gun”, full of revolutionary spirit and ecstasy! Magnificent!

So, Comrades, my recommendation is that you should go to these international performances frequently. Also very recommendable of course are the Dance Troupe of the General Political Department of the People’s Liberation Army (人民解放军总政治部歌舞团, the long name of which implies long, enjoyable evenings in the opera) and, if you are really so much into Western stuff, try the Alexander Red-Flag Song and Dance Troupe of the Russian Armed Forces (亚历山大红旗歌舞团). I’m sure they will be back soon, although they already performed here in China this year, on the occasion of the 60th Anniversary of China-Russia Diplomatic Ties. Their history is also very glorious. It’s just that the Russians are not so reliable friends of the Chinese people as the Koreans.

Our friendship with the People of Korea, on the other hand, Is Forever!

Exhilarated Greetings:

Hao Ganbu

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why does Zhou Yongkang say that we must rely on the Masses of all Ethnic Groups to Maintain Stability in Xinjiang?

[From the Communist Party News Website’s user group pages, July 13. Written by a user there. Translated by JR.]

__________

Authorized by the General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party’s Central Committee and State Chairman Hu Jintao, permanent politbureau member and Central Political and Law Commission secretary Zhou Yongkang (周永康), on behalf of the Central Committee, the State Council, and the Central Military Commission (CMC) went to Kashgar (喀什) and Hotan (和田) to condole the cadres and the masses of all ethnic groups, the troops and the police, and to inspect the arrangement and implementation of the central government’s policies. He said that now, maintenance of social stability is the common desire and in the fundamental common interest of all ethnic groups. Party committees and governments of all levels will firmly carry out all measures to maintain stability, will work on the promotion of national unity, improve the work for the people’s livelihood (民生), and closely depend on the party members, cadres and masses of all ethnic groups to build and maintain the iron wall (铜墙铁壁) of stability in Xinjiang.

I remember that Comrade Deng Xiaoping‘s saying that China’s overriding need is stability. Without a stable environment, nothing can be done, and the achievements already made may also be lost. The 7-5 incident of violent crimes in Urumqi which shocked the world is just evidence for this.

Currently, the situation in Xinjiang is developing into a good direction. However, the in- and outside Three Forces (三股势力) won’t be willing to give up. They are staying in every place to fabricate facts and to confuse people, and try to stir up trouble again, to damage the national unity among Xinjiang’s ethnic groups, and social stability.

Because of this, Zhou Yongkang’s visited the troops and police whose tasks it is to maintain stability. He pointed out that the spirit of the Polit Bureau Standing Committee’s meeting and Hu Jintao’s instructions must be resolutely implemented, that maintaining stability in Xinjiang must be the overriding priority, and to the satisfaction of the deep feelings of the masses of all ethnic groups, it was important that the law is enforced in a strict, fair, and civilized way, the people of all ethnic groups are served enthusiastically, and that good propaganda and masses work is done. It was necessary to closely rely on all party members, cadres, and masses of all ethnic groups, to build and maintain the iron wall of Xinjiang stability.

I think that what Zhou Yongkang said about relying on the party members, cadres and masses of all ethnic groups to maintain stability in Xinjiang expresses the Central Committee’s strong will, the common wishes of the people of all ethnic groups, to maintain the fundamental interests of the broad masses of the people. This is the requirement for party and government organizations of all levels in Xinjiang, for the work of the party members and cadres. It also expresses the full confidence and reliance, and even more our party’s mass line of from the masses, to the masses.

The 7-5 incident shows it once again: only when we maintain stability, we will have the prerequisite of solving all kinds of problems. If there is no stable situation, the reform and development of Xinjiang may be seriously affected, and even the development already achieved may be lost.

From this we can see, stability will always be the prosperity of our country, the fundamental guarantee of the people’s happiness. Maintaining stability will always be the sublime mission of the people of all ethnic groups. Any attempt to damage social stability in Xinjiang and any criminal activity colossaly damages the interests of all ethnic groups in Xinjiang with which the people of Xinjiang and all the people of China will not accept!

Therefore, in a complicated and grim situation, all party members and cadres must remain reasonable, calm, distinguish right from wrong, not only make sure that their words and actions are in accordance with each other and serve the stability, national unity and the unity of China, but also in accordance with the central and local party committees, governments arrangements to actively develop the work of the masses, meticulously work on maintaining stability, and lay a solid foundation for stability. This is how we can build and maintain the iron wall of Xinjiang stability, make the splittist elements tremble with fear, and discourage them.

__________

Related: , The Standing Committee’s Erdoğan Minutes, July 11

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Standing Committee’s Erdoğan Minutes

Beijing — The situation in Xinjiang is very calm, and everything is under control. You are asking for proof? Here it is: the entire polit bureau has left Beijing for their Beidaihe vacation resort, and entrusted the standing committee’s work to the three stooges Good Ganbu (acting chairman), Net Nanny (censorship and information), and Hermit the Taoist Dragonfly (scientific and technical support). All you currently see on television about Mr Hu, Uncle Wen & the rest of the Collective Leadership is in fact archived material – the sessions look all the same anyway.

The vacation replacement standing committee released this report on Wednesday, and they met again this morning. As usual, the JR Intelligence Unit (JIU) has all the details.

Revolutionaries are always innocent

writes poems

censorship and information

censorship and information

scientific and technical support

scientific and technical support

______________________
Nanny [reading a porn magazine from California, mutters to herself]: This is sick! One really has to force oneself to look at it.

Hermit [enters the room, yells]: SHIKEZHUNBEIZHE!!

Nanny [leaps to her feet and raises her fist, yells]: SHIKEZHUNBEIZHE!!

Hermit: How’s your Green Dam project going?

Nanny: Shut up, ****tard! You’ve ****** it all up!

Hermit [snickers]: How can I **** it up when I’m not even involved in the project? Your viglilance is commendable, comrade Nanny – but you are playing your cards too close to your chest. If you understood the concept of collective leadership, this wouldn’t have happened…. Oh, nice book you’re reading there. Luo Guanzhong again, huh?

Nanny [blushes]: Bullshit. I need to maintain continuous vigilance. Enemies of the Chinese people smuggled this into Kashgar to weaken the morals of our troops there!

Hermit: Bloody amateurs. Probably the World Uighur Congress all over again. Remember how we made the U.S. Marines talk?

Nanny: Yeah! Long live the beautiful daughters of our motherland who sacrificed themselves and went to bed with those barbarians to pick their brains!

Hermit: Indeed. That Ms Li in particular was sweet. Where is she now?

Nanny: Dunno. We made her an olympic athlete later on, and she became as big as a tank, but she failed. Became useless. Lost sight of her.

Hermit: I see. Oh, here comes our acting chairman!

Hermit, Nanny [leap to their feet and scream at the top of their voices]: SHIKEZHUNBEIZHE!!!!!!

Ganbu [mutters]: Shik-shik-a. Take your seats and make yourselves comfortable. After all, it’s summer. Nanny, you have read this terrible magazine completely? Ni xin ku le!

Nanny: It’s my duty, comrade chairman. How was your night?

Ganbu: Wrote poems and read them all night through.

Nanny [whispers to Hermit]: Now, this is what I call a real chairman! Wish all those amateurs would stay in Beidaihe forever!

Ganbu [frowns]: Don’t whisper. The outside world is in turmoil. We need to trust each other. No cliques here.

Nanny [impressed and slightly ashamed]: Aye, aye, chairman.

Hermit: Who’ll keep the minutes?

Ganbu [sighs]: Me, of course. Only ganbus can take correct care of the records and edit them later, depending on a new situation. It’s a heavy burden. Anyway. As I said already, a very tiny minority of what is under heaven is in turmoil. And it’s no longer only Xinjiang. Another Turkestan clique is raising its ugly imperialist and arrogant head. They have a so-called prime minister, they belong to an imperialist military and political clique of imperialist, rotten and pornographic nations, and [....]

[He is referring to the Republic of Turkey and NATO. In short, the acting chairman is briefing the vacation replacement standing committee about all the latest developments.]

Nanny: What’s the name of that so-called prime minister?

Ganbu [tries hard to remember]: Well… he’s a guy with a mustache…

Hermit [whispers to him]: Erdoğan.

Ganbu: Ah, yes. Thanks, comrade Hermit. His name is Erdoğan. Recep Tayyip Erdoğan.

Nanny: Any dossiers?

[Hermit goes to his notebook, surfs to the latest Global Times edition to beam it on the wall.]

Ganbu: Wow! Ain’t science something! Thanks, comrade Hermit.

Hermit: No need to thank a comrade for merely performing his duties.

Ganbu [turns to Nanny]: He’s always got his stuff ready, Nanny. When I’m thinking about the slow progress your Green Dam project is making…

[Nanny lowers her head, but manages to give Hermit a glance of concentrated hate nevertheless.]

Ganbu: Don’t be evil angry, comrade Nanny. Just keep cultivating your good work further. You wouldn’t have been chosen to sit in for three standing committee members if your work wasn’t 60 per cent good, and only 40 per cent bad…

Nanny [in a bitter tone]: that doesn’t sound like positive feedback to me…

Ganbu: Oh, cheer up, comrade Nanny! You need to be politically correct! The party can’t give you better marks than it gave to Chairman Mao, can it?

Nanny: OK, OK… [in a sudden fit of rage]: Hrrrrgggch!!! What did that decadent dwarf with a mustache say?! Genocide?! He probably can’t even eat Kurds with chopsticks!

Hermit: My sources say that he can’t… He’s just a sore loser. Unfortunately, he has some influence as a so-called…

Ganbu: Keep cool, comrades, keep cool. It’s true – the rotten Qing Dynasty’s performance was lousy. They failed to recover our glorious motherland’s territory in its entirety. That so-called Republic of Turkey remains unfinished business. But that can’t be helped at the moment. Cool heads, please!

Hermit: But there is still something we can learn from the rotten Qing Dynasty after all…

Ganbu, Nanny [staring at Hermit]: WHAT?!

Hermit: They almost managed to kidnap Sun Yixian [Sun Yat-sen] while he was in London…

Ganbu, Nanny: Aaaah!

Ganbu [after a moment of thought]: but this could lead to a lot of so-called “international” complications!

Hermit: That depends. Let’s assume there’s a Patriotic Front for the Return to the Chinese Motherland in that so-called Republic of Turkey

Nanny: Hehe! You are too naive, comrade Hermit! Of course, the masses there are longing for their return to the motherland! But they aren’t as organized as you seem to believe!

Ganbu: Just as we can adjust the records as needed, so can we adjust reality in so-called Turkey. Of course, this angry article in the Global Times wasn’t helpful, comrade Nanny. It reveals too much of our rightful indignation to the outside world. You should have clipped it in time. But we can still act. Hermit, you will form a working group on how to get that so-called prime minister here to Beijing. Don’t forget to study the records of the Qing records and make sure you understand what went wrong with the arrest of Sun Yixian.

Hermit: And let’s not lose sight of the bigger picture. There is still a very small minority of hostile forces in so-called Turkey.

Ganbu: OK. Anything else?

Hermit: The Western media are very hostile, as usual. Such as this ugly piece here…

Ganbu: That dirty piece isn’t equating Xinjiang and Mr Schnitzel’s family life, is it?!

Hermit: I’m afraid it is, comrade chairman…

Ganbu [bristles with anger]: Stuff about a criminal father who didn’t adhere to the one-child policy! This is the limit!

Nanny: Anyway, the Fifty-Cent party is doing all it can to neutralize the harmful effects of such dirty botches.

Ganbu: Keep up the good work. And comrade Hermit, if you find some maps in the Qing archives which prove our rightful ownership of Kazakhstan, bring it with you tomorrow, too. See you then – same place, same time. Shik-shik-a.

Hermit, Nanny: SHIKEZHUNBEIZHE!!!

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